Saturday, May 16, 2009

Depressed as Hell

Howdy all,

I am so down, I don't think I've been this down since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a year ago. It's not looking like I'm going to be able to do this marathon, at least not the way I was hoping too. Mentally I am totally psyched out of running because every time I've tried in the last month has been a disaster minus one glorious 6 miler a few weeks ago. I am crushed that I am not well.  I am still waiting to hear about the blood tests that I had done on Tuesday. I am praying that it will be something with a simple fix in enough time for me to at least have the energy to drag through 26.2 miles.

It is heartbreaking to have your dream so close but it feels like it's slipping through your fingers. The marathon was my idea, I was the one who roped Jocelyn and Shannon into it.  The thought of not running next to Jocelyn 14 days makes me cry. She is doing so well, she is a testament to hard-work and perseverance. I feel awful because I'm not jumping up and down about San Diego right now and she is and she should be she's ready and going to do great.

My parents are telling me to chill and not run, what's the big deal? No one understands the pain and the suffering you go through to do this unless you've done it. I am trying to decide what I'm going to do, not run and cheer Jocelyn on louder than even her sister could do (Sorry Jenna but I would at least owe her that.) or run and take my chances that I have to drop out.  I'd love advice, feedback, anything.  This fucking sucks and there's no nicer way of putting it. I WANT MY MARATHON!

1 comment:

Jocelyn said...

even if you don't do this marathon you will do one! don't let this get you down. you have so much going on right now in your life so just remember. There's probably a reason that we don't even know as to why you are struggling right now. I'm sooo proud! And I owe everything to what I have done to you! You got me to run! Hells yeah I'll be by your side when you can start training for the next marathon! Love you! I cannot wait to see you!